Won't Let You Go
by RainStar84
Summary: Johnny is raped by his father and decides to end his life. Ponyboy is overcome by grief he has to help Johnny overcome this. Will there love finally blossom into something more than friendship? This is a Slash Johnny/Ponyboy. Mature content.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This story takes place at the beginning of the book/movie. Hey all this if my first Outsiders fic. I recently re-read the book and watched the extended version of the movie for the first time and I loved it! I also realized for the for the first time that these characters were just begging to be slashed. So who am I to deny them that? I hope you enjoy what I have so far. Be warned the story contains physical and sexual violence and strong language. Please Review. Constructive criticism is great and of course positive responses fuel me to write more. ^_^ Thank you! **

"I asked Soda and he said he didn't know a thing about it." Ponyboy said.

Johnny had stopped listening to his friend a few moments before when he realized that the sun was setting. He knew that at any moment Darry would call Ponyboy into the house, and he would be alone for the night.

Almost on cue Darry poked his head out of the screen door. "Hey Ponyboy" he said. "Don't ya got homework to do? Get in here it's a school night."

"Alright" Ponyboy groaned. "I'll see you tomorrow alright Johnny?"

"Yeah all right." Johnny mumbled.

"We'll meet Dally for that movie."

Johnny just nodded his head in agreement as he watched Ponyboy walk into his home. He stared at the closed door for a few moments just listening to the cheerful sounds of the Curtis brothers sharing an evening together.

Johnny shoved his hands into the pockets of his worn jean jacket and wandered off towards home. He contemplated going and sleeping in the vacant lot, but he quickly changed his mind when a gust of icy wind caused him to start shivering. His jacket was useless against this type of cold. As he turned the corner onto his street he immediately noticed that his home was dark and quiet. If his parents were fighting he could usually hear them a block away.

_They probably got drunk and passed out. _Johnny thought. He walked quietly into the house and found his father asleep on the couch with an empty bottle of tequila resting in his limp hand. Johnny tiptoed to his room. The room was fairly empty besides a for a small lamp, some clothes tossed in the closet and a small twin mattress shoved into the corner.

The mattress was a new addition to the room. For years Johnny had simply slept on a pile of blankets, until one day Two-bit presented him with the mattress. His parents had given him hell about the mattress at first. For all Johnny knew the thing was hot. There had still been plastic on it and everything when Two-Bit had given it to him. Johnny didn't care about that though, he had been truly touched by the gift, and knew then his gang would do anything for him and he knew he would do anything for them.

Johnny was so happy to be sleeping in his own bed that night. He kicked off his shoes and jacket and crawled under the covers.

* * *

><p>Johnny didn't know how long he had been asleep when he heard the heavy boots of his father stagger into his room. Johnny laid still and quiet hoping that his father had walked into his room by mistake and would soon realize neither his bed nor his woman were here. By the light of the moon streaming in through his window Johnny could see a fresh bottle of tequila in his father's hand.<p>

"Hey" His father mumbled.

Johnny pretended to be asleep.

"Hey!" His father said again this time kicking Johnny hard in the ribs. "Get up!" he spat.

Johnny gasped at the sharp pain and clutched his side.

"What!" he snapped back at his father.

"Did you take out the trash like I told ya?" His father asked.

"What?...Uh yeah I did this morning."

"Don't you lie to me boy!"

"I'm not! I told you I did and I did." Johnny snapped.

"Goddammit first you lie to me now you're talking to me in that tone!" His father shouted lifting him by his collar and slamming him into the wall. "Now get your ass up and go do what I told ya to do!"

"I've already done it." Johnny shouted at him, a slight edge of fear seeping into his voice.

"Goddammit!"His father shouted grabbing Johnny again and punching him square in the face. Johnny crumpled to the floor. Before he could regain his footing his father was lifting him back up and slamming his fist into Johnny's eye.

This time as he fell back Johnny managed to catch himself on the wall and scoot away from his father. His father stumbled after him, getting his feet tangled in Johnny's blankets.

"Get back here you little son of a bitch!"

Johnny's heart was practically pounding out of his chest. He had experienced this type of violence at the hand of his father many times before and it always scared him. This time though, Johnny was panicking. Suddenly Johnny remembered the switch blade in his back pocket. He had kept that on him without fail ever since he had been jumped by that group of socs. He had thought they were going to kill him that night. The blade was for them not for his father, but after experiencing that terror he swore he would never let anyone hurt him like that again.

He had the blade out and pointed at his father in an instant. "Hold it!" Johnny shouted. "I'll use this"

His father stumbled to a halt. He stared at the blade confused for a moment, and Johnny watched as realization and then anger spread across his face.

He stepped towards his son. "Why you-"

"Don't move another damn step! I'll use this I swear!" Johnny shouted trying his best to maintain some composure.

His father just stared at him, fuming like an angry bull. Johnny didn't know what to do next.

Suddenly the loud crash of a falling tin trash can and the hiss of a cat broke Johnny's concentration. Instinctively he looked towards his window trying to find the source of the sound.

That moment was all that his father needed. He lunged towards Johnny grabbing his wrist and squeezing until his son dropped the blade. He didn't stop with that though, he continued to squeeze and twist the wrist until Johnny cried out in pain and fell to his knees.

"Don't you ever threaten me like that again you little shit." His father seemed to squeeze harder with every word.

_He's going to break it._ Johnny thought.

"I'll show you who's in charge in this goddamn house." With his free hand he began fumbling with his own belt until he was pushing his pants down past his hips.

Johnny was now completely overcome by panic. He didn't know what his father was going to do, but he knew he had to get away. He furiously struggled to get free.

"Be still!" His father snapped, back handing Johnny with all his strength. The force sent Johnny flying into the wall, so that he slammed his head into it and fell down onto the mattress. His head was going fuzzy, but he fought to maintain consciousness. His father grabbed his limp body and turned him over so that his face was pressed into the mattress.

Before Johnny slipped out of consciousness he felt his own pants being pulled off. _God no_ he thought.

* * *

><p>The next day Johnny woke up to the sun piercing his eyelids. He moaned and tried to turn towards the wall, but when he moved his entire body screamed out in pain. Slowly memories of the previous night came back to him. He lifted his hand and looked at his wrist which was now purple, and he could hardly move his fingers. He then realized he was only wearing his t-shirt. He cringed and his stomach began to churn. He barely had time to aim away from his bed, before he started vomiting. After he had expelled all of the contents of his stomach he scrambled around his room trying to find his pants. He couldn't stand his nakedness any longer.<p>

As he was shuffling back into his clothes his mind began to reel. How could he face the world after this?

"Johnny!" his mother shouted from the kitchen.

Johnny just locked the door and tried his best to ignore her. While he was trying to process his memories, his breathing became heavy and tears started streaming down his face. He could feel another wave of nausea hit him, but there was nothing left in his stomach.

"Johnny!" his mother shouted again.

It was too much for him; between this and what the socs had done to him he knew he wouldn't be able to face the world again? Why was God doing this to him? What had he done to deserve this. Johnny looked around his room his eyes fell on the splatters of blood on his mattress and floor, then they landed on the switch blade which was still right where he had dropped it.

He grabbed it and stared at the blade. _I can escape this _he thought. For a moment Ponyboy's face flashed through his head, but he pushed the image out of his mind and pressed the blade to his wrist.


	2. Chapter 2

Ponyboy and Dallas were waiting for Johnny outside of the drugstore. Without Johnny there, Ponyboy found he had very little to say to Dallas. Although Johnny never said much, he created a warmth between the boys that Pony didn't realize he missed until it wasn't there.

"I don't know Dally." Ponyboy said. "This isn't like Johnny. Usually he's the one waiting on us."

Dallas eyed Pony with a little aggravation. "What are you saying? You think something happened to him?"

"I don't know I just think maybe we should go look for him."

Dally sighed trying not to let his fear show. If those socs had gotten a hold of Johnny again, he was going to kill them.

"Alright let's go." Dallas said.

Dallas and Ponydoy looked for Johnny in the vacant lot. They stopped by the gas station to ask Steve and Sodapop if they had seen him, but Johnny was nowhere to be found.

"Well let's go check his house." Dally said tossing a cigarette butt onto the ground and crushing the small flame with the heel of his boot.

Ponyboy sighed. "I hate dealing with his mother. She probably won't tell us anything anyway."

"Yeah well we'll make the bitch talk."

The sky had taken on that familiar red orange which indicated that night was fast approaching.

Dally walked up the steps of Johnny's front porch and banged on the door with his fist. Ponyboy hung back nervously. There was no response so again Dallas pounded on the door.

"Johnny you in there?" He called.

Finally Johnny's mother opened the door, but left the screen door closed tight between them. "What do you boys want?" She asked. She eyed the boys with contempt and disgust.

"We're looking for Johnny is he here?" Dallas asked.

"Yeah" She said, glaring at Dallas.

"Well tell him to get out here we need to talk to him."

"It won't do no good. He's been locked in his room all day just been ignoring me. He hasn't made a sound the ungrateful little bastard."

"How long has he been in there?" Pony asked finally walking up the stairs to the door.

"I told ya! All damn day! I ain't even seen him once."

Ponyboy pushed past the woman, forgetting all of his nervousness and shot towards Johnny's room.

"Johnny!" He shouted at the door. Dallas was standing beside him his ear pressed against the door.

"Johnny open the damn door!" Dallas yelled.

"You punks get out of my house before I call the cops." Johnny's mom shouted from behind him.

"I think I heard something in there." Dallas told Ponyboy, completely ignoring the woman behind him. "Move out of the way." He pushed Pony back and slammed his boot into the door repeatedly until the wood cracked and broke off at the hinges.

For a moment Ponyboy thought that Johnny was asleep. His body was curled up on the mattress. Then he noticed the splatters of blood on the blankets and then he saw Johnny's bleeding wrists. He saw the switch blade thrown on the floor beside Johnny's limp hand. His heart lurched into his throat when he finally realized what he was seeing.

He heard Johnny's mother screaming behind him, and saw Dallas dash towards Johnny.

"He's still breathing man." Dallas cried as he scooped Johnny up into his arms. "We've got to get him to a doctor." He carried Johnny out of the house. Dallas didn't know what he was doing, but he knew he had to get Johnny help fast. He was panicking as Johnny lay limp in his arms, his head dangling like a rag doll. How long had Johnny been like this and that stupid bitch hadn't even bothered to check on him. He spotted Johnny's fathers truck sitting in the driveway.

"Pony! Keys!" He shouted.

"Where are the keys?" Pony yelled at Johnny's mom.

She simply pointed at the kitchen table unable to speak through her hysteria. Pony snatched up the keys and ran off after Dallas.


	3. Chapter 3

Johnny had been unconscious for three days. Despite the time he spent alone in his condition he hadn't cut his wrist deep enough to cause fatal damage. The doctors had successfully given Johnny a blood transfusion, and had told the other guys that with plenty of rest he would recover completely.

The night they had brought Johnny in, after the initial emergency treatment, the doctor had asked Ponyboy and Dally what had happened to Johnny and where he had been found. They had given the doctors all of the information that they had, but the doctors kept asking for more. Ponyboy eventually told them about Johnny's encounter with the Socs. Still it wasn't enough to satisfy the doctor. Ponyboy could see concern and aggravation all over the doctor's face as he pushed them for more information. Ponyboy knew Johnny had been on edge for awhile something had obviously tipped him over. He just wished he knew what had caused Johnny to make this decision.

Ponyboy was sitting beside Johnny's hospital bed reading _To Kill a Mockingbird_ out loud to him. He didn't know if Johnny could hear him or not, but he had to do something. Johnny had always loved for Ponyboy to read books out loud to him. The other guys made fun of them for it, but Johnny was the only one who could appreciate a story the way he did. Reading also helped Ponyboy pass the time. He had spent all of his free time sitting at Johnny's bedside. He knew it was killing the other boys to see Johnny in this situation, especially Dallas. Instead of spending time with him though, they had acted out. Dallas had gotten into three fights with three different Socs in the past few days. He blamed them for Johnny's situation and seemed intent on make every one of them pay for it.

Ponyboy stopped his reading midsentence when he heard a soft moan escape Johnny's lip. Johnny, who was usually beautifully tan and glowing, looked pale and fragile. His lips were dry and cracked and Ponyboy noticed they were moving slightly as if Johnny was trying to say something. He sat up in his chair and reached his hand out to grab Johnny's.

"Johnny." He said.

"Ponyboy?" Johnny whispered.

"Yeah Johnny it's me." Ponyboy said, a smile spreading across his face.

Johnny's eyes were fluttering open. "Ponyboy." Johnny muttered again.

"Yeah Johnny I'm here with you. You've been unconscious for days man."

Johnny's eyes traveled the room taking in his surroundings. "Has my dad been here?" Johnny asked.

Ponyboy swallowed nervously. He didn't want to tell Johnny that his mother had only shown up once and that his father hadn't shown up at all. "No Johnny your dad hasn't been here, but your-"

"Good." Johnny interrupted. "I don't want him around here Ponyboy. Promise you won't let him around here." Johnny's voice was desperate but with each word his voice weakened.

"Yeah, alright Johnny."

Johnny closed his eyes after that. Ponyboy thought he would open them back up and continue to talk to him, but after a few moments he realized that Johnny was sleeping.

* * *

><p>Johnny woke up again to find his room empty. The early morning sun was streaming in through the curtains. The only sounds were the steady hums and beeps of the machines surrounding him. An IV was puncturing his right hand and when he looked at it, it ached dully. His head was foggy, and his mouth was extremely dry. His eyelids were so heavy; he struggled to keep them open. He remembered instantly the things that had occurred. He remembered hearing Ponyboy reading and seeing him for a few moments. He felt numb, as all of these thoughts passed through his mind. He lay there for awhile, shutting his eyes hoping to fall back asleep so that away he wouldn't have to think about these things.<p>

A nurse walked into the room, checking around him, touching him, examining the machines. She finally seemed to notice his eyes were opened, and she scurried out of the room. A few moments later she walked back in followed by a tall gray haired man wearing doctor's coat.

"Hey Johnny." The man smiled down at him. "I'm Dr. Weber. How are you feeling?"

"Terrible." Johnny muttered.

The doctor grinned "Well that's to be expected. You've been through quite a lot."

"I'm thirsty" Johnny said.

"The nurse is getting you something right now." Sure enough a second later another nurse walked in holding a styrofoam cup with a straw sticking out. She raised his bed until he was sitting up. His back ached, but it felt so good to be sitting. He reached up for the cup and took a drink. The nurse didn't let go of the cup and when he tried to drink more she pulled it away. "Slowly." She said. "You drink too much too fast and you'll be sick."

Johnny frowned at her. The clacking of high heeled shoes alerted Johnny to the presence of another woman in the room. This woman was obviously not a nurse though. She wore a suit jacket and skirt and grinned broadly at Johnny.

"Ladies can we have some privacy." Dr. Weber said to the two nurses.

"Of course." One nurse said and they both walked out of the room.

"Johnny this is Linda Ward. Linda is a social worker with CPS, Child Protective Services. She's got a few questions for you."

Johnny sat up straighter in his bed, more nervous than ever. "Am I in some kind of trouble?" He asked.

"No, Johnny of course not." Linda said.

The doctor took a deep breath. "Johnny when we examined you, we found signs of sexual assault."

Johnny looked confused.

"Were you raped Johnny?" The Doctor asked.

Johnny's heart rate elevated instantly. He squirmed in his bed, ignoring the tugging of the IV needle in his hand. "No!" He practically shouted.

"Alright." Linda said trying to place a calming hand on Johnny's arm, but Johnny yanked his arm away.

"Why did you try to kill yourself?" Linda asked.

Johnny could feel the tears forming in his eyes. He couldn't stand these people asking him questions. This whole place was making his skin crawl. He didn't want to cry in front of them he just wanted to get out.

"I don't know." He said his voice cracking.

"Did either of your parents hurt you in any way Johnny?" Linda asked

"No!" Johnny said again. "I was just… sad, and I wanted it to stop."

"Johnny we need to know the absolute truth. I can't release you to your parents if there is a reason to suspect they did this to you. I can have you taken to a boy's home instead. You'll be safe there."

Johnny hated the idea of going to back to his parent's house, but he couldn't stand the idea of going to a boy's home. If they sent him back to his house he could escape, he could runaway. His parents probably wouldn't even notice.

"My parents didn't do this. I got into a fight with some guys. They beat me up like this. It wasn't the first time… I passed out. I don't know what happened after that. When I woke up I was just tired so I tried to… I tried to kill myself."

Linda and the doctor eyed him skeptically. "Do you want to go home to your parents?" Linda asked.

"Yes." Johnny lied.

They both stayed and talked to him for a few moments after that. Linda left him her phone number and asked him to call her if anything at all came up. Dr. Weber told him he was recovering nicely and would be released very soon.


	4. Chapter 4

Ponyboy rushed to the hospital right after school the next day. He had heard from Two-bit that Johnny was going to be released that day and he felt the need to be there for Johnny when his parents picked him up. He rushed past the nurse's station ignoring the "No Running!" commands that followed him. He dashed into Johnny's room to find the bed empty. The sheets had been changed, and were neatly folded at the end of the bed awaiting the next patient. Ponyboy rushed back out to the nurse's station.

"Uh, my friend Johnny, did he already go home?" Pony asked an annoyed looking nurse sitting behind the counter.

"Yes his mother picked him up a few hours ago."

"Thanks." Ponyboy said as he dashed out of the hospital towards Johnny's house.

He made it to Johnny's in no time at all. He bounded up the porch steps and knocked on the door. When no response came, Ponyboy opened the screen door and knocked again on the wooden door. The force of his knocking pushed the door open. "Hello" he called into the house.

"Pony?" He heard a hushed voice say from the couch. Ponyboy turned to see Johnny still looking weak and pale curled up at the end of the couch. "What are you doing here man?" Johnny asked.

"Well I went looking for you at the hospital and they said you were sent home."

Johnny just nodded his head in response. Ponyboy walked over and sat beside him.

"You alright Johnny?" Ponyboy asked wrapping a comforting arm around Johnny's shoulders.

Johnny's eyes were full of fear and sadness and Pony hated seeing him so fragile and unhappy.

"Ponyboy." Johnny said. "Get me out of here man. I can't stand to be here anymore."

"Where do you want to go?"

"I don't care; I just can't be at this house anymore."

Ponyboy got to his feet and helped Johnny up as well. "Come on Johnny." He said. "We're going to my place."

Ponyboy had to support Johnny all the way back to his house. Johnny would fall into coughing fits, and his body was still sore, from all of the bruises. When they walked into the Curtis house Two-bit was sitting in front of the TV watching a Mickey Mouse cartoon. Sodapop and Darry would be home from work very soon.

"Hey boys!" Two-bit said cheerfully, as they walked into the house. "What kind of trouble ya'll up to now?"

"Ain't up to no trouble." Johnny said as he dropped himself onto the couch.

"Johnny's going to be staying here for awhile." Ponyboy said.

Johnny just looked at him, surprised. "I can't stay here Ponyboy."

"Why not?"

"Well, cause you got enough to worry about here and Darry ain't gonna want me here."

"Of course Darry would!" Ponyboy said.

"Of course Darry would what?" Ponyboy turned to see his oldest brother standing in the doorway

* * *

><p>"Godammit Ponyboy why do you put me in these situations?" Darry shouted. Darry had drug Ponyboy to the kitchen so they could talk. "I've got all I can handle keeping you fed. I can't afford to take care of Johnny too."<p>

"You're not gonna take care of him. I'll get a job. I'll feed both of us."

Darry sighed with frustration. "No you ain't getting a job. School is your job. You just keep your head in the books where it belongs."

"Well I can't send Johnny back to that house. I can't leave him alone and he's scared, and he still ain't even well."

"We're not sending him back." Darry sighed. "He's family. I'm not gonna send him back. But dammit Ponyboy you two stay out of trouble you hear. They'll come and pick both of you up and put you in a boys home so you just stay out of trouble. Don't make me regret this."

Ponyboy smiled at his brother. "We won't and thanks Darry."

Ponyboy was walking out to living room to tell Johnny the good news, when Sodapop stopped him in the hallway.

"Hey Pony, what did Darry say?" Sodapop asked.

"He said that Johnny could stay."

Sodapop smiled. "That's good. I don't like the idea of sending him back to his parent's house. They're just not good people."

Ponyboy nodded in agreement.

"Listen Ponyboy I'm going to give up my half of our bed to Johnny. He needs it more than I do right now. I'll take the couch and that away you can keep a close eye on him. I don't think he should be left alone."

"I think you're right about that." Ponyboy said. "Thanks Sodapop." Ponyboy hugged his brother and then walked out of the living room to share the good news with Johnny.

* * *

><p>Later that night Ponyboy walked into his bedroom to find Johnny already curled up on one side of the bed, sound asleep. Ponyboy quietly crawled under the blankets and stared at Johnny's back.<p>

"Are you sure this is ok Ponyboy?" Johnny asked.

"I thought you were asleep." Ponyboy smiled, a bit startled. "And yes I told you already, of course it's ok."

"It means a lot to me man, you letting me stay here." Johnny's voice caught. He began sobbing and he tried his best to hide it from Ponyboy.

Ponyboy wrapped his arm around Johnny and pulled him in close to him so that Johnny was pressed right up against him. "Are you going to tell me what happened to you Johnny?"

"I can't." Johnny sobbed.

"I just want to help you." Ponyboy rested his chin on Johnny's shoulder. "You're important to my Johnny and I just hate seeing you like this."

Johnny turned over to look at Ponyboy. He stared into Ponyboy's warm and caring eyes. He realized then that this was his home. Not this house, but there in the arms of his friend, Ponyboy. That's where he felt the most loved, that's where he was the happiest. He felt safe and comfortable with Ponyboy. Before he realized what he was doing Johnny moved in and pressed his lips to Ponyboy's. He wanted to be as close to Ponyboy as possible. When he separated from Ponyboy he was afraid to look at his friend. He didn't know what had just come over him. Had he just ruined everything? The seconds felt like hours as Johnny waited for Ponyboy's anger and outrage. Instead Johnny felt Ponyboy's hand on the back of his head, as Pony pulled him in for another kiss. This time the kiss was longer and more forceful. It was as if Ponyboy was trying to consume him. His lips met Johnny's with strength and passion. Johnny parted his lips slightly and instantly felt Ponyboy's tongue penetrate his mouth. Their tongues rolled together in a way that Johnny had never experienced. When they pulled apart Johnny panted breathlessly, he stared at Ponyboy smiling at him.

Ponyboy didn't know what had just happened, but he loved it. He didn't know what this meant about him or Johnny, but he knew that he had to get closer to Johnny. He swung one leg over Johnny's hips so that away he was straddling him. He looked down at Johnny and tried to take in every detail of his face. His warm brown eyes, his olive complexion, his round pouty lips, every detail was beautiful to him. Johnny was smiling up at him. Why hadn't he seen this before? He ran his hands down the side of Johnny's stomach until he found the bottom of his shirt and lifted it up and off of Johnny. He ran his hands down Johnny's smooth chest, he wanted to touch him, but he wasn't sure what to do. He pulled off his own shirt and lay on top of Johnny so that their bare skin was touching. He kissed Johnny's soft lips again, running his hands through Johnny's hair.

Johnny's hands wandered over his back and Ponyboy reached for Johnny's wrist and lifted them up over his head pinning Johnny's arms to the pillow. He leaned down to kiss Johnny again, but he sat up when he felt Johnny struggling underneath him.

"Pony." Johnny muttered. Johnny yanked his wrist free and pushed Ponyboy off of him.

Ponyboy landed on the opposite side of the bed and sat stunned. "I'm sorry." He said.

Johnny sighed and dropped his face into his hands. "No, I'm sorry. It's not you."

Ponyboy sighed with relief. "What's going on Johnny?"

"I'm just too screwed up right now. I just can't handle things."

"I wish you would let me help you Johnny." Ponyboy said resting a hand on Johnny's shoulder. He watched as Johnny cradled his wrist. "I'm sorry." Ponyboy said. "I forgot about your wrist are you ok?" Ponyboy reached out to inspect Johnny's injury and Johnny jumped out of bed and ran into the restroom, locking the door shut behind him.


End file.
